Leaving the North

Today I got a taste of home...I was watching COPS with Kaylie and one of the busts was in good ol Spokane, Washington!  I got exited.

 

I can't believe that this day has come.  I have some nerves about leaving tomorrow and embarking on the journey across the country...but God has been good and given me encouragment through people at just the right moment I needed it.  I feel blessed and I know He is directing every step.

 

It's been an interesting journey for me thus far.  I thought this time would be similar to my last experience here, but it has been very different.  Part of it has been my mindset...I know I'm in it for the long run.  Everything was new to me before, now it's more like home here, and when it feels like home, there is comfort in that.  Comfort can be good, but it can cause complacency which I don't like because then I stop growing.  Last time I was here, it was so easy to forget about my worldly concerns, but this time I have seen my insecurities, desire to be married, eating disorders, fear of letting people down, and doubts of my purpose in life all rear it's head.  I know that just because I'm not in Idaho, it does not mean these things won't follow me.  The root is where I need to deal with it all and totally surrender everything and trust and have faith!  That's where I find freedom.

 

I have realized that people hide.  We only portray the good things to people...but don't really open up about the deep places in us.  I'm not saying that everyone needs to know everything about ourselves.  What I am saying though is that sometimes we keep things in secret, we don't think anyone struggles with what we struggle with, we think we are the only ones...but I have seen once you speak it out, once you open up and not let these things have power over you...you realize that others have gone through the same thing, but also have been to ashamed or scared to say anything.  I don't know if this makes sense.  It does to me.  Basically just know that whatever you are going through, whatever has happened to you, whatever you have done, you are not alone.  Someone knows what you are going through and can relate and understand.  There are places of healing and freedom in getting things out and not hiding.  Jesus has shown me that His grace and love covers everything.  Even though I feel like a failure at times, He knew those very things I would do and He loves me in spite of it all and still chooses to use me.  I don't deserve it...but I'm so thankful and blessed.

 

Okay, so as the first part of my journey comes to an end today, it is bittersweet.  The goodbyes were hard yesterday.  I hate goodbyes...who likes them though?  The kids were by far the hardest because they grow so fast and I just get attached.  They will always have my heart.

 

I am getting excited to just be in the village.  I'm getting so tired of packing!  I realized that the last 3 weeks I have packed 5 times.  I have way too much stuff.  This will be interesting to get all of my stuff off the bus and to the hotel tomorrow by myself.  I have 3 big suitcases, one rolling carry-on size suitcase, one backpacking backpack, and one laptop bag.  Everything is packed to the max.  It's a lot!

 

Once I leave tomorrow, my internet access will be limited.  I will be able to update my blog and let people know I made it to Mafinga...but once I'm in Iringa, I will have no internet access for 2 weeks.  After that, I'm not sure how often I will be on.  Please e-mail as you can to marisha.cunliffe@gmail.com or write to:

 

Marisha Cunliffe
c/o Village Schools Tanzania
Box 183
Mafinga, Tanzania

 

I won't be able to write you unless you write me first and send your address.  So it's a bit of a manipulation...but I'm okay with it.  I guess you could also email me your address.

 

Thank you for those who have sent me updates and have been an encouragement!  I love you and will hopefully be in contact soon after my travels.